Learning to Ride a Unicycle

On Friday, I went to Dubé Juggling Equipment at lunch. My intension was to buy a bunch of high-quality juggling balls, which I did. I taught myself to juggle when I was a kid, with golf balls, and in all these years I've never had a set of really good juggling balls, which I've already seen since Friday makes a big difference. My goal is to master five, which I realize won't be a short-term commitment.

While I was there, though, I also bought a unicycle, because, why the hell not. Actually, there's more to it than that. I'm turning 40 this June, a milestone of which I'm acutely aware. (I saw my doctor a month ago and he not only pointed out that I'd gained five pounds since my last visit a year earlier, but he commented, "You've got a big birthday coming up this year!") So, I'm striving to do what I can to stay young. Learning to ride a unicycle seemed like as good a strategy as any to that end.

Honestly, when's the last time you tried to learn something new that was really hard? A new language? A musical instrument? There's something quite exhilarating to it. But, compared to those examples, a unicycle has one distinct advantage: although difficult, I was able to get the basic hang of it in a few hours. After an hour or so yesterday and about three hours today, I can now ride a unicycle a few hundred feet. I fully expect I'll by quite adept at it in another weekend or two. On the downside, compared to learning a language or instrument, there's a much better chance you could crack open your head or lose a tooth (I didn't) or at least land on your ass a few times (I did) while trying.

I pretty much was left to my own devices to figure out the basics. I showed up for a local unicycle club meeting (two blocks from my house), but I was the only attendee, due to intermittent rain (I'm not only the mailing list; one guy actually showed up later, and told me the meeting had been cancelled). As I practiced, I made mental notes of advice to other unicycle learners out there. Even as I did so, I realized these had a ring of "Zen and the Art of Unicycle Riding" or "Learning to Ride a Unicycle as a Metaphor for Life" about them, but really they're just my observations about learning to ride a unicycle.

• Don't Be Afraid to Look Like a Fool. Unicycling isn't a graceful sport, especially for a learner. The aforementioned club normally meets at Grant's Tomb, where there is a large, flat plaza ideal for learning to ride a unicycle. It is also something of a tourist attraction, even on a drizzly day. I more or less ignored regular appearance of pedestrians across the plaza every few minutes. Had I been shy, I wouldn't have gotten anywhere. Most gave me only casual examination. I smiled sheepishly at those towards whom I occasionally sent my unicycle in a clatter after a wipeout. A few applauded me when I made a long run, which I appreciated. Otherwise, I paid them no never mind.

• Don't Be Afraid to Let Go. On Saturday, I spent an hour or so (in 10-minute increments) practicing in the hallway of my apartment building, using the narrow walls to brace myself while I got the basics of the thing. On Sunday, at Grant's Tomb, I set up a couple of short lengths of crowd-control metal fences to hang onto. At first, I was inclined to simply work my way down the lengths of fence, using them as a crutch. After 20 minutes or so, I started holding the fence only to upright myself and then cycle off into the open plaza. I found this forced me to find the necessary balance much more readily than when I depended on the fence for support. The sooner you rely on your own balance, the better.

• Engage Your Core. Like with most things in life, balancing on a unicycle relies on core body strength. Tighten those abs, clench that ass.

• Sit up Straight. Your mom was right. Keep that seat stem upright. Rest your weight squarely on the seat and feel that the seat post extends up your spine. After another hour of it Monday evening, I don't think this is quite right. I actually find leaning forward a bit is key. You do need to keep the seat post upright and you have to feel your weight on the seat post before launching, but sitting up straight isn't quite right.

• Easy Doesn't Do It. At one point, I sent the unicycle scattering along the plaza towards a group of tourists leaving the tomb. A head-shaven guy in a naff red-leather jacket advised in a Germanic accent, "Easy does it." That jackass has obviously never tried to learn to ride a unicycle. It is not easy. It is hard and you have to be willing to keep pedaling even when you're afraid of falling on your head. Unicycle riding is, quite literally, a "balls-out" proposition.

• Sweat. Along the lines of the previous bullet, I found it most productive not to take a break. Launch, pedal, fall, return to starting point, repeat. I could definitely measure progress in increments over three hours.

• Keep Pedaling. Momentum is your friend when it comes to unicycling. Don't hesitate. Better to lean forward and pedal furiously to recover your balance than start in fits and starts and fall off after only two rotations.

• Wear a Helmet. Thankfully, I never did bounce my coconut off the pavement, but I did land squarely on my ass once and flat on my back another time. Landing on your feet 99% of the time isn't good enough when you make 200 attempts.